Oli's Shanghai Blog

I was so excited to see this menu because I thought it was a typo of ‘duck’…on second glance, it has much more to do with pig than our feathery friends…

我当初很兴奋，因为我以为这个菜是一种鸭肉，但是后来才明白其实是一种猪肉。。。

…but what the hell is a chak?!?!?

可是这个鬼chak 到底是什么？！？！

With the scandal of the tainted milk powder still fresh in the minds of many Chinese people, I was shocked to see this sign in the window of the Dunkin’ Donuts shop on Fuzhou Lu yesterday.

在中国人对于变质奶粉丑闻仍然记忆犹新的时候，我昨天又被福州路上的一家唐恩都乐店窗上的广告给吓到了。

Could it really be that Dunkin’ Donuts has begun using one very ‘old fashioned’ ingredient?!

难道唐恩都乐真的决定使用这种‘过时的’配方了？！

The green one definitely looks like it’s tainted!

这个绿的看起来就是变质的！

(DDT = 爆燃过渡到爆炸)

Many people ask me how to order McDonald’s delivery in Shanghai – and I’ve been taking advantage of this superb service for the last four months, but I keep losing the telephone number (well to be truthful, I keep losing my phone, which has the number in it…). With this in mind, I am putting simple steps here so that wherever I am I will be able to find my ordering instructions:

Step 1
Call 4008-517-517 from your home phone or mobile

Step 2
Press ‘2′ for English (or press ‘1′ for Chinese)

Step 3
If this is your first time calling, you need to register your address with them. So just tell them your address (they are speaking English after all). If it’s not your first time, they will tell you your phone number and address before proceeding to Step 4…

Step 4
Order your Big Mac, McChicken sandwich or whatever other delicious food that you want!

That’s it! They will deliver it in between 30-45mins and it’s (usually) warm-hot. Delivery charge is 7rmb. The service is 24 hours a day and follows the ‘breakfast menu / daytime menu’ times of the normal McDonald’s (I don’t know what they are as I don’t tend to wake up before ‘daytime menu’ begins :E ).

*Update* – The McDonald’s delivery number is the same for the whole of China, so if you’re in Beijing, Guangzhou or Shenzhen just follow the same instructions to order McDonald’s delivery! Enjoy!

See also: How to order KFC delivery in Shanghai!

I rewatched Speed the other day with a group of students. What a classic film! Keanu Reeves…about to break onto the world stage…Sandra Bullock…well…she was enjoying her 5 minutes of fame before she disappeared into B-movie obscurity (yes The Net, I’m talking about you!).

某日我跟我一群学生重温了遍生死时速。经典的电影啊！基努•李维斯…即将站上世界的舞台…桑德拉•布洛克…嗯…在她消失然后投身于B级影片前她确实享受了5分钟的名望（对，我说的就是网络惊魂！）

The next day we were driving near Huaihai Lu when I saw this bus. I’m not sure what it was, but I really wouldn’t feel comfortable taking it….

次日当我们在淮海路上开车的时候看到了这辆公车。我不确定它的样子，但是我确实不敢上这辆车…

…it wasn’t going very fast, but then…maybe it hadn’t reached 50mph yet!

…车开得不快，可是…它可能都不超过80km/h！

The full show comes out soon! MOST IMPORTANT – Please type your email in the box below and we’ll email you as soon as it’s available, and go to the Blogstar.TV site and leave a comment!

完整剧情即将出炉!最重要的是–请把你的邮箱地址输入以下方框,我们会尽快用邮件形式发给你,还可以去博客之星的网站查看并且留下你的脚印!

Also – share this video on Facebook <-- (click)!

同时 与你开心上的朋友一起分享吧 <-- (点击)!

同时与你的朋友在人人(校内)分享吧 <-- (点击)!

Can’t view the video?

看不了视频?

Watch the video on Tudou
土豆网上查看

-> http://www.tudou.com/programs/view/YYUiUXwFu30

Watch the video on Youku
优酷网上查看

-> http://v.youku.com/v_show/id_XMTIxOTgwMjU2.html

The first episode of the new crazy web series about the life of a blogger (I mean…erm…me!) attempting to take over China is available to watch right now! GOGOGO!

关于一个博客(我是说…我!!)的第一集新型疯狂网络系列剧席卷中国!请立即观看!

Click here to go to the Blogstar.TV site and watch online RIGHT NOW!

点击这里直接到博客之星网站在线观看!

Leave a comment and let us know what you think! Oh…and share it with your friends! Please!

留下你的评论并且告诉我们你的看法!噢…并且与你的朋友分享!!务必与他们分享!

Want to download? Get the torrent from Mininova -> Download torrent! (and seed for us!)

想要下载? Mininova -> 下载 (并且给我们种子!)

In China? Click here to watch on Tudou.com -> Watch online from China!

在中国? 点击到土豆观看 -> 在线收看!

I like to think of myself as an expert on Fast Food. A connoisseur, if you will. My love for cheap, delicious, (generally) “beef” based nutrition can be traced back to my youth – growing up in a remote rural time-warp with no shops (never mind a burger bar) meant that they always held some kind of magical charm for me.

我自觉可以称得上是个快餐专家了。你也可以说我是个行家。我对既便宜，又好吃（通常来说）还蕴涵基础营养的‘牛肉’的喜爱可以追溯到我的年轻时代–生长在偏远农村的时代—周围没有商店（更别说汉堡吧了）意味着这些快餐对于我来说有着某种神奇的魅力。

I pride myself on my knowledge of the industry, indeed if you search for Mcdonald’s Shanghai you should find my ’self-help’ guide on ordering delivery here in the biggest city in China. However, all good things must come to an end, and a couple of days ago I met my match.

我对自己在这个领域的知识相当自豪，如果你搜索上海麦当劳，你应该可以找到我的关于在中国最大的城市的外卖‘自助’服务指南。不过，所有好的东西一定都有结束的一天，就在几天前我遇到了一次挑战。

The Burger King 4-stack.

汉堡王4层汉堡。

Theoretically, it was my dream burger. Bread, four burgers, two bacon, mayo and a little ketchup. No huge chunks of onion to distract you, no disgusting tomato…just flame grilled beef and a smile. What could go wrong?

理论上讲，这是我梦寐以求的汉堡。面包，4层汉堡，2块培根，蛋黄酱和一点番茄酱。没有很多洋葱，也没有讨厌的番茄…只有烤牛肉和一个微笑。那会有什么问题？

I began eating, and it was heavenly. I would often take bites from the top instead of the side (due to the brick-like nature of the burgers) – it was an experience to behold…who could have designed such a marvel? But just like in Independence Day, the beautiful strange suddenly turned on me…

我开吃了，这个神圣的汉堡。通常我吃汉堡都是从上面开始的，而不是旁边（原理和砖一样）-多是个叹为观止的经历…是谁竟然设计出这样的奇迹？可是就像独立日一样，美丽的变化突然发生在我的身上…

I ate it, all but one bite. I felt fuller than usual after eating fast-food (I usually eat very quickly, so I don’t feel full until it hits my stomach 10 minutes later). I nibbled some fries and ate some ice-cream (free sundae!)…but an uneasy feeling was sweeping over me.

我吃了，可是只是咬了一口。我觉得比我平时吃完快餐后都要饱（通常我都吃很快，所以我一般都不觉得饱，直到10分钟以后他们到我胃里）。我吃了几根薯条和一点点冰淇淋（免费的圣代！）…可是我觉得浑身都不太舒服。

Perhaps a walk around the mall would help digestion? I stood up to go, but a feeling of light-headed numbness swept over me. THE BURGER WAS KILLING ME!

可能走一会儿可以帮助消化？我站起来准备走会，可是一种头晕目眩的感觉包围了我。这个汉堡杀了我！

The next two hours were a constant battle between man and meat. I couldn’t concentrate, had early-onset meat sweats and wished, for perhaps the first time in my life, that I hadn’t eaten that Burger King meal.

接下来的2个小时就是一场人和肉的较量。我没法集中注意力，出现早发性食肉导致的流汗并且希望，可能是我人生中第一次，我希望我没吃那顿汉堡王。

Has anybody else had a clean victory against the 4-stack burger at BK? Let me know – I need some moral support right now!

有谁在汉堡王战胜过这个4层汉堡吗？告诉我-现在我需要一些精神上的支持！

I usually try not to reprint things here (or take things from other places), but I absolutely love this picture which was taken from a Chinese exam paper (allegedly). If you like this sort of story, there are loads of funny videos and funny photos from China at Funny in China – 趣味中国!

通常我都不会转帖到这里（或者把别的地方的东西拿来用），但是我真的很喜欢这张中国考卷（真心的）。如果你也喜欢这样的小品，可以上Funny in China – 趣味中国!，那里有很多有趣的视频和图片！

It says:
Question
Write an article about love.

Requirements
1. Use brief and refined language
2. The story should end tragically
3. No word limit

Answer
Will you marry me?
“Fuck off!”

After watching Derren Brown’s prediction of the Lotto numbers back home in England (our household still can’t work out how he did it!), lottery-fever has gripped…me. China does have a lottery (China Welfare Lottery) and its sales go towards funding social welfare projects (hence the name). As you probably (don’t) remember, I already (basically) won the jackpot on the English lottery (see Beating the Credit Crunch – Part 1 – The Spree), so I needed to find something which was a little more difficult to win than a ‘lottery’.

在英国的家里看完Derren Brown的乐透号码预测后（我的家庭始终不知道为什么他能做到！），彩票热就此笼罩着…我。中国确实也有彩票（中国福利彩票），而且卖了是为了对社会福利项目提供资金（因此得名）。正如你可能（不）记得的，我已经（基本）中过英国的彩票（见赶跑信贷危机阴霾-第1部分-狂欢），所以我需要找些比’彩票’更难中的东西。

Enter: Chinese receipt ticket scratch cards!

进入：中国发票刮刮卡！

There has never been a better invention in world history. A scratch card, given for free as part of your receipt in a restaurant or bar, which gives you the chance of winning cash money FOR FREE! Amazing? Yes. Innovative? Sure. Impossible to win? Damn right.

这是史无前例的最好的发明。刮刮卡，免费出现在你从餐厅或酒吧得到的发票上，也就是说它给你一个免费赢现金的机会！神奇吗？是的。创新吗？当然。不可能中？确实。

I have done in-depth, scientific research on this topic, and it turned out that nobody had ever won anything scratching these receipts. Some people knew somebody who’d met somebody who had a friend who’d won, but nobody could put the cold, hard evidence in my hand and say ‘Oli, I’m a winner!’.

关于这个主题，我做了深入的科学研究，事实证明，没有人通过刮发票中过奖。有些人说他们认识的朋友的朋友的谁曾经好像中过，可是我不介意别人泼我冷水，铁的事实在我的手中，说着’Oli，我赢了！’。

Fittingly, it was a Wednesday night (the one week anniversary of Derren Brown’s TV lottery stunt) when we sat down for hot-pot. There was a mood of excitement, a nervous calm before the storm of luck which was about to erupt on our table.

那是一个星期三的晚上（Derren Brown的电视彩票特技一周周年庆）我们在吃火锅的时候。有一种令人兴奋的心情，好运来临之前的宁静，好象马上就要爆发在这张桌子上了。

When I handed over the cash for the bill, there seemed to be a golden glow surrounding the palms of the waitress, like a Ryu fireball about to be fired across the room. It was time. Scratch, scratch…

就在我付现金的时候，似乎看到女服务员的手掌被金色光芒环绕着，就好像是个将要被发射穿过整个房间的火球。我想是时候了。我刮，我刮，我刮刮刮…

WIN! WIN! WIN! 5rmb! WIN! WIN! WIN!

中了！中了！中了！5块！中了！中了！中了！

We were ecstatic, hugging and cheering…dancing a little…high-5ing…we had broken the curse and proved that nothing is impossible, and impossible is nothing.

我们欣喜若狂，互相拥抱，欢呼… 跳舞…击掌…我们已经打破了诅咒，证明没有什么是不可能的，以及没有什么是不可能的。

Now, where do we cash it in?!

现在，我们要去哪里兑现它呢？！

When a new colleague joins a company, either you love them or hate them. If you watch ‘Lie to Me’ (and you should), you will know that you can pass on a lot of body language subconsciously – but what is even worse is if someone makes an OBVIOUS EFFORT to piss you off. It’s cold-blooded.

总有新同事加入公司，不管是不是你喜欢的。如果你看过‘千谎百计’（你应该看过），你会知道通过肢体语言能看出很多潜意识的东西-可是最糟糕的是有些人故意那样让你生气。那就是可恶了。

That has happened with my new colleague. Usually, when some tadpole joins an office, they will make an effort to stay out of trouble, keep a low profile and generally be nice. Well this guy is just the opposite. You see, in our office there are only around 10 desks – but there are 12 staff. This means that sometimes people have to share desks, and generally be flexible.

这个就发生在我的新同事身上。通常，当有新人来办公室，都会尽量不惹麻烦，保持低调和友好。可是这个家伙正好相反。瞧，在我们办公室只有大概10张桌子-可是有12个员工。这就意味着有时候大家需要合用一下桌子，非常灵活的。

Not me, though. I hate it when people sit in my seat, as it is MY OWN GLORIOUS MESS. If anyone does sit in my seat, I invariably lose half of my papers and notes and have to redo them. Terrible.

尽管不是我。我讨厌别人坐我的椅子，因为那是我自己的弄得乱七八糟的椅子。如果别人坐在我椅子上，我总是要弄丢一半的纸，笔记，然后不得不重新做这些。太可怕了。

So anyway, back to the story. On his first day, not only did my new colleague hop into my seat, AND steal my nametag….

无管怎样，我们回到这个故事，我抓到了这个扒手！ 在他上班的第一天！他竟然坐在我的位子上，还偷我的名牌…

…but he also stole the shirt off my back! I’m pond-ering my revenge!

…而且他还偷了我的T恤！我一定要报仇雪恨！